Life is a very peculiar thing. In childhood, it seems that the year barely drags on, in adolescence we stop noticing the cycle of events, and in youth we begin to be amazed at how time inexorably carries us to old age. And the most offensive thing is to realize that you are wasting time on some everyday trifles: quarrels, disputes, pride. And life goes on. Therefore, it is very important to know how to improve relations with a loved one after a heated quarrel.
The process of reconciliation can sometimes be very lengthy. It depends on many factors: gender, character, and the magnitude of a person's resentment. Let's examine each of these characteristics separately.
Floor
Men and women have completely different attitudes to inflicted insults. Moreover, absolutely different things can offend a man and a woman. First, let's deal with the strong floor.
Men do not like it when their freedoms are infringed too much. No matter what they say, but these are men, not cats, used to walking on their own. That is why it is very difficult for women to understand hobbies such as fishing or daily trips to the garage.
Another thing that can hurt a man a lot is an insult to his pride. Any statements or comparisons: “You are henpecked”, “You are not a man”, “You are a weakling”, “Alena’s husband drives a car better”, “And Sergey fixed the lock that you couldn’t from work.” Most of the relationships of men with each other is built precisely on the spirit of rivalry. That is why any comparison with another man will be perceived quite painfully. Especially if a girl does it, and especially if he likes this girl.
mend relationships after a fight
Which happened due to infringements of freedom is quite simple, if not elementary. A woman should simply allow a man to do what he wants, but not to the detriment of herself. That is, if you let your loved one go fishing with friends this weekend, then agree in advance that he will dedicate the next ones exclusively to you. But immediately after a quarrel, it is best to let a man go.
As for the second, when you insult the pride of a man, then everything is much more complicated. Such resentment can sit deep in the soul of a man. And it can take a long time to make amends. And the woman, in turn, must during this time repeatedly prove to the man the opposite of what she carelessly said before. And even if it seems to her that the man is not listening, in fact he is not. He always listens and perceives everything. And gradually he can forget about a long-standing resentment.
As for women, the fair sex can be offended for almost any reason. Sometimes even if there is no fault at all for a man. That's the way their character is. It's just that a real man should get used to such features of the female character and not react to them excessively sharply.
On this occasion, there is one wise proverb: "If a woman is not right, a man should come up and apologize." And this is partly true. It is much harder for a woman than for the strong half of humanity to simply ask for forgiveness. They are more likely to prove their case until the break. That is why a man should go first to reconciliation, but at the same time he should not experience humiliation. He must remember that in most cases the girl herself wants to make peace, but the innate pride that is inherent in all women does not allow her to do this.
Also, women should never be compared to others. Otherwise, it will result in a huge scandal. If a man can still silently swallow an insult, and then quietly get angry until everything is forgotten, then the psychology of women is arranged differently. All their thoughts and desires are directed outward. However, it will be easier to make peace with a woman. It is enough to prove with your actions (kisses, compliments, hugs, caresses) that she is the best. Naturally supporting all this with words. And pay more attention to her, at least for the next few days after the quarrel, until the first negative impression is forgotten.
How to build relationships?
Character
All people can be divided into four types: sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric and melancholic. And to build relationships with each of these types of people will be different.
melancholic. One of the most mysterious psychological types. He is in many ways similar to the choleric in his nervousness and mobility. But if the choleric carries positive energy with it, then the melancholic, on the contrary, carries negative energy. The melancholic is offended very quickly and even the smallest trouble can drive him into a real depression, which will be expressed in screams, hysteria and tears. So we can say that jokes are bad with a melancholic. It is better to find a reason to make peace and make amends as soon as possible. This is where apology and consolation will help you best. It will take a long time to console a person. And all because of the fact that he takes every insult too seriously.
| Type | Description |
|---|---|
| Choleric | It looks like a melancholic with the difference that it carries a positive charge. These people are very active, open to new acquaintances. However, if you bring them, then they turn into a real disaster, a hurricane that sweeps away everything in its path. There will be no tantrums and tears. Only . Moreover, due to the nature of the choleric person, he himself can worsen the amount of damage, and for himself. And a quarrel that started as a harmless argument can escalate into a breakup. It’s just that people who have connected themselves with choleric people need to get used to it - any dispute, if the outcome is unsuccessful for the choleric person, can end in a scandal. And if at least minimal signs of irritation appear in the choleric, it is best to back down. Otherwise, it will be more difficult to build relationships later. However, if the choleric has already exploded, you just need to wait. Human energy is not infinite, and choleric people quickly cool down after an unleashed quarrel. That is why it is better not to touch such people at first, but to wait until they “cool down”. |
| Phlegmatic person | A person who can be described as indifferent, who is in a state of permanent depression. He will never give you a scandal or a loud quarrel. He will simply swallow the resentment inside himself and will keep it for a long time. And it will pop up every time during the next quarrel. So it's better to immediately make amends. Because the resentment that is rooted in memory is already very difficult to forget. Moreover, it is quite simple to make peace with a phlegmatic. It is enough just to sincerely ask for forgiveness. |
| sanguine | The most average psychological type. Always calm, but at the same time not indifferent, like a phlegmatic person. He can listen carefully and express his opinion. Perhaps the process of reconciliation with this person looks the easiest. After a quarrel and grievances that have appeared with sanguine people, it is enough to sit down at the negotiating table and have a serious talk, find out who is right, who is wrong, and together come to a unanimous decision. |
Temperament types can be determined both by human behavior and by numerous psychological tests. But it is very important, in any relationship building, to take into account not only the temperament of your loved one, but also your own. The easiest way to find a common language is for two sanguine people who are ready to sit down at the negotiating table. Two choleric people will definitely smash everything around if someone does not go to meet the other. Etc. There is no point in listing all possible combinations.
Two more very important facts about temperaments. First, they change. That is, in childhood a child can be melancholic, in adolescence it will become a choleric, and in youth it will turn into an ordinary sanguine. This is not to mention the changes in character in middle age.
Secondly, people with a pure temperament do not exist. There are no pure sanguine or choleric people. Basically, people combine a little of each of these temperaments. It is important to determine the type that prevails in a given person. It is he who basically controls the character.
The magnitude of resentment
Every offense has its dimensions. Conventionally, they can be divided into several categories that are the same for almost all people:
- inconspicuous
- Plain
- serious
- Irreparable.
"Imperceptible" grievances happen to each of us in life all the time. This is when you step on your foot in transport, and when you were rude in a store, and when your loved one accidentally hit you in a dream. Such grievances usually do not accumulate, but are forgotten very quickly. Basically, they are not even accepted to be voiced. So we will not pay much attention to this type of offense.
"Normal" grievances are already much more serious. Most often they are caused by various disputes, like what is better to watch: football or a new melodrama. It is clear that one of the parties will be offended in any case. And the best way out of this situation is to find a compromise. Like, let's watch a melodrama today, and football tomorrow. The most important thing in this case is that at least one of the parties should make concessions. Otherwise, a “normal” offense can turn into a “serious” one.
“Serious” resentment, as already mentioned above, basically grows out of the “ordinary” one. But there are other cases that were mentioned earlier. For example, if you hurt a man’s pride, then he immediately takes offense at you, even if he doesn’t show it much. And again, the only way to solve such a problem is to make concessions. If neither side does, it could all end in a rupture. For this, the offense does not even have to develop into the next category. By the way, most breakups happen precisely because of “serious” grievances.
“Irreparable” resentment basically immediately entails parting. This type of offense can be attributed to betrayal, treason, outright lies. It will be extremely difficult, if not almost impossible, to make peace with the person to whom you have inflicted such an insult. In addition, even after reconciling, such an insult will not disappear anywhere, and will be between two loving people for the rest of their lives. For example, if a husband cheated on his wife, and then nevertheless reconciled with her, then she will still remember the betrayal to the end. And she will never be able to fully trust her husband.
And of course, do not forget that the same grievances for different people will be evaluated differently. Someone perceives a trampled foot as a serious insult. And someone is able to forgive and forget betrayal.
General principles of good relationships
It is very important to remember the qualities that will help you quickly build relationships with your loved one, in principle, after any quarrel. They need to be learned, but it is better to print and hang over the bed. Moreover, it is very important that these rules are observed by both parties at once. Then no temporary misunderstandings will interfere with joint happiness.
mutual respect. Respect the other person as well as yourself. His problems apply to you as much as yours to him. He has the same rights as you. You should not have secrets from each other, loving people should trust each other with the most secret secrets.
Understanding. Learn to sit down at the negotiating table with your loved one. Let each of the partners express what he likes and what not. Solve the problem by talking, not arguing or shouting. Do not interrupt your partner, let him express all the accumulated claims, even if in your opinion they are stupid and far-fetched. Do not try to convince a person of something, and if he is not lucky, then do not reproach, they say, “I told you so.” On the contrary, support. After all, you love him!
Mutual feelings. The most important thing is that all these conditions are possible only if the partners love each other. Otherwise, no tricks will allow two people to stay together. Neither respect nor understanding will save you from a new quarrel. .
Also, always acknowledge your feelings.
As you can see, the main word in all three rules is reciprocity. Only with reciprocity is maximum harmony achieved in relationships. Mutually means together, together.
Well-established, high-quality relationships are relationships in which partners understand how to live with each other, they are used to living like this, and they get satisfaction from this life. This is the ability to be together, knowledge and the correct assessment of the views and gestures of each other, the ability to come to the rescue at the right moment. It is the feeling of being family, who are doing well.
For those who had a similar way of life in the family, of course, it will be easier to build such relationships. The rest should not despair, you can always agree by dividing the spheres of influence.
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You can use the powers of the mind to directly influence your relationships with others. The most common way to use them is to make these relationships more pleasant for people, dispelling all negative feelings or increasing cordiality, support, friendliness and love.
The basis of the process is to focus your mental energy on the other person while you mentally imagine the purpose of your relationship, and convey to the person a mental message about it.
This process takes place at 2 levels:
First of all, helps you see your own attitude towards the person, and when you see each other again, you will interact with your desired goal in mind, which will influence the other person and make him react accordingly.
Secondly Since thoughts have energy, the person to whom you send this thought message will receive it on an internal psychic or mental level. Consciously he will not be aware of the message. But your mental transmission may push him or remind him to treat you the way you want.
One common use of this method is to prepare for a future encounter with a person. Also, some people use this method to send their thoughts to encourage someone to get in touch with them (business, love, etc.).
The following exercises will help you use the Mind Power Technique to improve relationships in a variety of ways. A message of love is a wonderful tool for overcoming angry feelings, feelings of resentment, misunderstandings, or to encourage a person to constantly treat you with warmth, friendliness and positive.
This will help get rid of any negative feelings and make you feel good. The one who seems far away will seem closer. If you and your colleague (partner, client, etc.) have a feeling of hatred, resentment towards each other, then your positive thoughts can radically change the situation, and when you see each other again, the conflict can be settled.
An exercise. Message of love
Time: 3-5 minutes.
The exercise is to send a message of love in order to prepare the ground for a more successful meeting with a person.
Place a portrait of the person you are sending love to in front of you and imagine a glowing ball of love radiating from your heart. Send a ray of love from your heart to this person.
At the same time, say the word "love" to yourself again and again and send this word along with the beam. When this beam reaches its target, notice that this person begins to glow and radiate love back. Continue focusing on this image for a few minutes. Notice how it becomes more and more sparkling as you continue to send love.
Now imagine the next meeting with this person that you are looking forward to. Imagine the environment as vividly as possible. Pay attention to what surrounds you, imagine what this person is wearing, what he is doing, etc. Then, approaching him, continue to experience the same warm, friendly feelings and notice that the other person responds to you in the same way. If you used to feel anger and resentment towards each other, now everything is behind you.
After this first meeting, continue your conversation and notice that you have a good relationship. When you end the conversation, you feel complete satisfaction that you have achieved your goal.
An exercise. Building close relationships.
Time: 3-5 minutes.
One way to build a close relationship or encourage a person to connect with you is to use candles that symbolize you and the other person. Candles help you focus and amplify your message. This technique is often used when love relationships are involved, but you can use it to develop friendships and deep rapport with people you work with or intend to collaborate with.
Do this practice for a few minutes every day for 7 days or until your message starts to take effect.
The following example uses candles as the object, which should represent you and the other person. To prepare, take two candles, one representing you and the other representing the person you want to get a reaction from. For example, red and blue candles, although any color will do.
On the first day of this exercise, place the candles at a distance of 30 cm from one another. On each subsequent day when you do the exercises, place the candles 5 cm closer to each other until on the seventh day they are in contact.
After that, leave the candles so that they are in contact. Now light the candles and turn off all lights. Look in turn at one or the other candle for about a minute. Then close your eyes and imagine burning candles in your mind's eye. Imagine two lights coming together until they merge into one, now look at the bright yellow beam that emits fire.
Now grasp each candle with your hands and hold your hands in this position, imagining how the beam passes through space and time to the person who should make contact with you. Continue to hold these candles and concentrate on this image for about three minutes. Then carefully move the candles about an inch apart (or if they are already pushed together, squeeze them tighter).
While doing this, think: "We are getting closer to each other. Let him (she) come into contact with me (or be responsive to my desire to be with him)." Or express your feelings in other words.
Then, when you feel the message has been sent, extinguish the candles, return to your normal conscious state, and open your eyes. Leave the candles in the same position if you intend to repeat this exercise.
Do this exercise regularly for about a week and wait for your call to be answered. Keep a diary to note the days and the distance between the candles. Quite often, a person then makes contact. Otherwise, feel confident that your call will reach the goal, and start a relationship with this person yourself.